HOUSTON----The small storefront leased to Feldman Hopps might be described as claustrophobic, but it is also remarkably organized and sterile, as befits the work space of a tattoo artist. It's a slow day for the tattooist, in fact it's been a slow week, and frankly, career for the young Hopps who is barely hanging onto his lease.
It turns out, he's not very good at his job and word has gotten around.
"Yeah, the last client, that didn't go very well," Hopps admitted. "This guy wanted a big heart on his back, with his and his wife's name and the date they married in the middle of it. It was really the sort of thing that should have paid well and been fairly easy, right?" He shakes his head. "When his wife came to pick him up she wanted to see it so he showed it to her. She kind of scowled and said, 'Why did you get a tattoo of Australia on your back?'"
Hopps pulled up a photo of the job on his laptop. The wife's description wasn't entirely accurate but it was definitely hard to recognize as a heart.
Shaking his head, Hopps continued, "I'm really not very good with representational art," he said and shrugged but then pointed to the wording. "But check it out, the writing is really clear. Even they admitted everything was spelled right and the letters and numbers very plain and readable."
Which gets to the point of our visit to this tiny tattoo shop. Hopps is a supporter of presidential candidate Donal Trump.
"Yeah, he's kind of a creep, but you know, so is every politician," he says. "I do kind of like his idea of identifying immigrants and other specific, you know, subgroups. I think tattoos is a great way to do it. I've even written an email to him suggesting it."
Hopps pulled up an auto-reply email from the Trump campaign with instructions for how to make a donation. "Yeah, he didn't really get back to me in detail about my idea," Hopps admitted, "but you know, he's busy with his plans for the economy and Syria and whatnot. I've planted the seed."
Hopps was realistic about what he's recommending. He realizes that he's not likely to get rich being a tattoo artist for a Trump administration. "I get it," he said. "Government jobs don't pay as well as the private sector but you know? The bennies are good and I doubt I'd ever have to do a heart again. The pressure of running my own shop would be lifted and I bet it'll even be banker's hours. No evenings and weekends!"
Confronted with the latest polls that show opponent Hillary Clinton in a comfortable lead, Hopps shrugged. "I guess she'll be okay, you know? I just don't think she's going to be needing any staff tattooists. When it comes down to it, I have to go with the guy who is more likely to create jobs for people like me."
Not one to put all his eggs in one basket, Hopps has already made moves to keep his shop afloat.
"Oh yeah, I've already got ads on Craigslist," he said. "You know, there are tattoo artists who do amazing pictures on flesh, mountain ranges and sunsets and all that, but they can't spell to save their lives. I've put the word out that I'm here to put that finishing touch on their clients. Also, there's money to be made on grieving folks. Sometimes, like, a baby dies or something and the mom wants the kid's name tattooed on her arm or wherever. I've put out ads for that market, too, saying that I'd give them a clear, no frills remembrance of their loss right on their body."
He continued, "It's not my dream to always have to hustle like that, but having a businessman like Donald Trump running for president sort of juiced my entrepreneurial spirit, I guess. I like to think that even if he loses, here's one supporter he can be proud of."
In conclusion Hopps said, "I'm just trying to use my God-given gifts, you know? Not everyone can spell and penmanship is a dying art. I have them both and I know how to use tattoo equipment. All that should add up to to a career, right? If not with a federal position, then I just have to believe in myself enough to make this whole thing work."
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Okay, this is darker than I usually care to go in my writing, but I'm in such a dark frame of mind with this election cycle. Make of it what you will. And please don't vote for Donald Trump.
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